Figuring out Failure with Neal Palles #210
Episode overview:
Neal Palles is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Mental Performance Coach and CTS Ultrarunning coach based in Longmont, Colorado
Episode highlights:
(12:05) Moving past failure: practical example, find what failure means to you, breaking down standards and process goals, reframing failure into a growth mindset, personal Leadville example, taking failure as a challenge rather than a threat
(33:55) Diffusing from stories: recognizing the personal stories we tell ourselves, examples, sources, write the story you want
(42:45) Intentional catalysts: pacers, recognizing you can use help, getting help from friends and family, taking care of yourself, communicating with your team
Our conversation:
(0:00) Introduction: dealing with failure, feedback from athletes, Neal’s article The Freedom to Fail and Leadman, tools for athletes
(2:20) Dealing with a bad season: Neal’s article and messages from athletes, a gauge for present experiences of the ultramarathon community
(4:04) Reasons for discussing failure: lotteries and a sense of renewal, personal example, perceptions of failure, looking to what is next, attempting leadman for the sixth time
(6:05) The power of failure: why we dwell on failure, examples, your relationship with failure, evolutionary role of failure in learning, social perception and desire to fit in, Leadville example, don’t let outcomes define you
(9:18) Failure and comparison: examples, diffusing failure, self-awareness, recognizing the rules you are creating around comparisons, returning to core values
(12:05) Moving past failure: practical example, find what failure means to you, breaking down standards and process goals, reframing failure into a growth mindset, personal Leadville example, taking failure as a challenge rather than a threat
(15:09) Win or learn: control how you react to adversity, Leadville example, accepting mistakes
(17:21) Worrying about what others think: personal example, compassion and addressing mistakes
(19:18) Personal example: Koop and Jia-sheng Shen at Transgrancanaria, communicating that DNFing does not reflect poorly on the athlete, turning failure into a positive
(23:00) Transactional versus transformational relationships: failure to meet race goals is not letting your coach down
(24:41) Diffusing failure: link to Neal’s article, a toolkit for athletes, you can always keep growing, start now
(27:50) Self compassion: carrot and stick analogy, kindness and mindfulness, common humanity, Leadville examples
(29:30) Dissociative enthusiasm: toxic and disingenuous positivity
(31:35) Recognizing your emotions: the way you feel is okay, compassion and acceptance for how you feel, moving forward
(33:55) Diffusing from stories: recognizing the personal stories we tell ourselves, examples, sources, write the story you want
(35:45) Naming personal stories: examples, identifying the stories you tell yourself gives them less power over you, the process of diffusing
(38:47) Personal stories and running: stories surface during long runs and races, naming your stories to focus on what you can control
(40:20) Be open to assistance: build a team, the growth mindset, becoming an advocate for yourself, seeking help, examples, it is always harder to struggle alone
(42:45) Intentional catalysts: pacers, recognizing you can use help, getting help from friends and family, taking care of yourself, communicating with your team
(44:40) Building athletes teams: Koop’s goal for 2024, working with professionals to build a strong support team, examples
(47:08) The impact of coordinating good teams: examples, coordination between coaching and mental skills, future podcast with members of Koop’s athlete team
(50:38) Neal’s personal example: overcoming the Leadman challenge, training adjustments, communicating with your crew, curating your support team, mental skills practice and lifestyle changes
(53:15) Neal on self compassion: recognizing your accomplishments, adapting workouts based on time constraints, relating to your athletes and recognizing life complications, banter, mental skills and training coaches are bad at taking their own advice
(56:01) Reinforcing your crew: working with your crew for multiple years, building rapport, sharing the journey, coaches and crew earn their keep in years 2-4
(58:05) Winfield aid station: mental preparation for when you can’t see your crew, being alone for the longest and hardest section of the race, being mentally self-reliant
(1:01:42) Wrap-up: start practicing now, give yourself compassion, get closure for your failure and move forward, Neal’s mental skills course, links in the show notes
(1:03:02) Outro: giving thanks, reach out if you think CTS coaching is right for you
Additional resources:
Neal’s article ‘The Freedom to Fail’
SUBSCRIBE to Research Essentials for Ultrarunning
Buy Training Essentials for Ultrarunning on Amazon or Audible
Information on coaching-
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